Things Will Get Better - A Letter to my Younger Self

Girl, I know you don’t really love high school.  It’s just “okay.”  All you want to do is get these years over with and graduate. I remember high school, but not fondly. As you completed tenth grade, I know it wasn’t the best time of your life.

As an adult - 53 years old - I want to let you know something. None of what you are experiencing now will matter in the future.  I know there is a lot of pain.  Some connected to hormones, but some come from other drama we go through every day.  No worries. Life gets better.

Let me give you a little run down.

All that shade from the cool girls who are your friends one day and not talking to you the next -- you get over it. I know it hurts now and you continue to be still sensitive to that. Over the years, you develop the courage to leave that which no longer serves you.  That includes shallow relationships with fake girls.  Later you find out some of those girls have issues. You may not know it now, but it all comes out eventually. As the years pass, you meet some cool people who appreciate your authenticity. You will develop relationships and friendships you don’t see coming.

We are still shy. You don’t know it now but being shy is a reflection of the part of you that values a small circle of friends, as well as one-on-one relationships. Too many people sometimes can be draining so you protect yourself with more intimate groups of friends. You learn to recharge youself by being alone. Some think it’s weird, but it’s not.

Now, about your physical appearance.  The kids in school like to comment on your hair, lips, clothes, boobs, high waist, thick thighs, etc. What can I say?  I remember hearing “rabbit teeth” from kids in class and trying to pull in my bottom lip, because I heard comments about its size. It is hurtful and crushes you to hear it from so-called friends. But guess what? These days, people pay a ton of money to get the lips and thighs we already have. Lol. True story.  And you have become photogenic!  In the millennium, we take pictures with our phones – don’t ask me to explain, just trust me. You don’t look awkward. You are beautiful. You look a lot like Dad with Mom sprinkled in. Just so you know, you marry a man who loves you as you are. That’s special.

And let’s talk about sex. Ain’t nobody doing what you think. Those who you think are having sex, are not. Boys and girls. Yes, there are some that are active, but just know the one who talks the loudest about it, is not doing it. I know the pressure to have sex is real.  Just hold on. You will become sexually active in due time, at the right time. You have good and bad romantic relationships. As with most women, you eventually learn your worth, your value.  Don’t settle.

I wish I could have caught you earlier to encourage you to study hard. You like your academic subjects, but don’t work to your full potential. Don’t downplay education to make others comfortable. Some of your friends who portray not caring about their studies end up making honor roll, and receive scholarships to colleges in their senior year. I remember the 80’s society telling us a bachelor’s degree from a big-name university or the military was the only way to success. You go another path.

As an adult, you experience a successful career in the hospitality industry. During this time, you learn so much about many industries and people. You travel, earn a very nice salary, and gain a ton of lifetime friends and connections. Later, you go on to be a writer! I bet you never imagined that. The love you have for Ms. Washington’s English class is paying off. What you learned in English classes is coming in handy now. You read a lot and you write EVERYTHING. You journal your emotions and everything going on in your life. You write articles as part of your job, have a bi-weekly blog, and write (soon to be published, fingers crossed) short stories!

So, be encouraged. All that you are going through now, that worries you (who likes you, what you look like, etc.) doesn’t matter. I know there are a lot of days that just plain suck! But girl, ‘you’ve gained so much and grown into a well-rounded woman. Future Amy has a fierce work ethic, you have a great family, a caring and loving husband, who comes with children who love you, and grandchildren! You embody a healthy sense of who you are, which drives your self-esteem. You are a caring, funny, and loving individual with great friends, colleagues, and acquaintances in your life.

So, trust me, I remember the angst and anxiety you are feeling. Rest assured, none of it matters.  It gets better. And where I am sitting, you’ve blossomed into someone unique and special. As I look to the future, yep, I get scared sometimes, but I’m believing in more great things to come.